Matters of the Heart
by Dearland
Summary: Sometimes the journey of two hearts is one steeped in joy, pain and sorrow, and if we're lucky, we are better because of it.  Series of one-shots chronicling Spock and Uhura over the years. Spock, Uhura, Kirk, T'Pring, Sarek and more
1. Quickening Hearts

**Matters of the Heart – Sometimes the journey of two hearts is one steeped in joy, pain and sorrow, and if we're lucky, we are better for it. A series of one-shots chronicling Spock and Uhura over the years. AU**

**Disclaimer: **Star Trek and all associated characters are not mine.

**A/N: **I decided to give my beta reader a break and go this one alone.

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**I: Quickening Hearts - In which discoveries are made**

**2256**

"_I think you're in-love."_

Cadet Nyota Uhura stood under the sprawling branches of an oak tree. It was late autumn and a cool breeze rustled her hair and uniform. Cadets and instructors hustled along pathways, no doubt heading toward their evening meals. The wind picked up and a shower of leaves fell around her erect frame. A small grey rodent scampered about inches from her feet, and a spider hung suspended on a single strand of silk. All these little details were lost to Uhura as she watched Commander Spock under the setting evening sun.

"_I think you're in-love."_

Gaila's casual comment from two nights ago took root in her mind, causing a fine shiver to crawl up her spine and her heart rate to quicken. She frowned slightly cursing Gaila and her words because before they were uttered, she had never considered that she might be in-love with her favourite instructor. Well, she amended, second most favourite instructor. Captain Rigen, the Trill expert on Historical Linguistics was nicer.

"_I think you're in-love."_

She had laughed at Gaila; however, the Orion went on to argue that love was the most likely reason for Uhura's overly happy disposition. She then furthered her argument with an example from the prior weekend, whereby Uhura had smiled and complimented James T. Kirk. Now, as she gazed at the Commander, it hit her, she most definitely had romantic feelings for him. She did not know if it was love per se, as she had never been in-love, but it felt close. Too close.

"_I think you're in-love."_

On the many occasions Uhura had seen Commander Spock outdoors, he was always on the move. Currently, he stood deep in conversation with a female lieutenant. His back was straight, shoulders perfectly squared, hands clasped behind his back and head slightly bent. Whatever the topic of discussion was between them, they were thoroughly engrossed...and the lieutenant was flirtatious. She was not overt and had Uhura not been so raptly focussed on them, she would have missed it. She wondered if the two were intimately involved. The commander was a handsome man, with deep soulful eyes and lips that would transform from beautiful to gorgeous if ever he were to smile. Uhura was sure there were women more than willing to offer their body to him.

"_I think you're in-love."_

The realisation that jealousy entered into her thoughts jolted her scrutiny of Commander Spock. She really had no place feeling such an emotion. He was not hers. Heck, before Gaila's little speech, she was not cognizant of any romantic feelings for anyone, let alone the commander. Most crucial, she was certain he felt nothing of the sort for her, which hurt more than it should.

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**2257**

Cool sensual phantom fingers glided along his ears, tracing from their pointed tips to their bottom edge. A ripple of pleasure swept across his body, bringing forth a breathy exhalation. The slightly roughened pad of the fingers continued along their lazy path. They traced the curve of his face, the closed lids of his eyes, the bridge of his nose, the shape of his lips before resting at his chin. He held still with bated curiosity. What was next? Where would they touch now? Although he wanted desperately to tell her, his nameless spectre, where to caress, he held still, eyes closed.

The fingers at his face disappeared and immediately after soft full lips pressed against his. They moved back and forth in a sweetly gentle manner that did things to his body far removed from sweet. All too soon, the pressure lifted and the lips trailed along the column of his neck. An occasional tongue savoured his skin while the lips continued with their exploration.

Merciful or merciless, he was not sure, the lips moved downward until they reached his navel. They played with that area of his anatomy, eliciting pleasure and the urge to do the unthinkable. Giggle. Yes, Spock, son Sarek and Amanda was ticklish. A secret he kept tightly under control. Except in the fantasy realm where dream and desire mingled, he was free to indulge. And indulged he did.

It started a month ago when the crisped air first became pregnant with new life and possibilities. After a particularly exhausting week of testing a group of third year cadets on their survival readiness, Spock had made the mistake of going to sleep without meditation. The first dream had found him in a dreamscape of muted colour and sound. A sense of peace had pervaded his being until his eyes drifted shut. At that moment, he felt the first whisper of his phantom woman. She had pressed smiling lips against his naked shoulders and then vanished as his eyes popped opened.

After that night, her dream visits occurred without prompting or change in routine. Since Vulcans seldom dreamt, he could only blame his suppressed Human half for his delicious night excursions. Yet as much as he enjoyed himself, in the cold light of reality he had to wonder at his subconscious. Why did he conjure such dreams? Most important, why did she instantly disappear if he opened his eyes within the dream?

Spock shuddered and gripped the airy sheets of his bed as slender knowing fingers caressed along his upper thighs. When they reached his heated erection, a deep groan left his lips and his fingers ripped at the fabric in his grasp. And then he heard her laughter, deep, throaty and pleasing. All this time, he had never heard anything more than a sigh or gasp from his dream woman as she had used her hands and mouth to arouse his body. A wretched regret stirred his insides now that his psyche had given her a voice.

His eyes snapped opened and he sat up in his real bed, a thin layer of sweat coating his body while his heart hammered against his side. Quickly, he tumbled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. After splashing his face with frigid water, Spock looked at his face in the circular mirror that hung over his sink. His hair was tousled and his eyes reflected turmoil. Staring at his reflection, the sound of Cadet Nyota Uhura's laughter resonated across his mind and he swore it had shifted to something rather mocking.

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Your comments are much appreciated.


	2. A Joyful Heart

**Disclaimer: Startrek and all associated characters are not mine.**

**A/N: **Thanks to all the supporters of this fic.

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**II: A Joyful Heart – In which Uhura learns something new**

**2257**

When is a kiss more than just a kiss? Asked this question two months ago, Nyota Uhura would have considered it a moot point. A kiss was simply a kiss. The pleasurable thing you did with your mouth. Right? Was she ever wrong, and to think she had a Half-Vulcan to thank for showing her the error in her thinking.

Stretched out in a knitted multicoloured hammock that hung on the side veranda of her parents' home, Uhura gazed out onto the yard below her. The fragrant night air was a cool counter to the high daytime temperatures common this time of year. Her parents and a pair of visiting aunts and uncles had retired for the night. Her sister, brother-in-law and infant nephew were still outdoors. The baby had been fussy and the young couple decided to walk among the garden to calm him down. As she watched her brother-in-law kiss her sister on the cheek, Uhura's fingers drifted to her own lips. Slowly, she traced their fullness and thought of the man who had come to mean much to her.

Three weeks ago, the very first day of December, as per the old calendar, Uhura found herself in the midst of an intense argument with Commander—er—Spock. Her day had started out optimistic; until she opened the file, he'd sent her with his notes on her thesis draft. Horror inducing digital red ink covered each page. A swift rising anger had taken root in her, sending her off to find him. Looking back, she privately admitted to having the frustration over her persistent romantic feelings feed into her anger. She could also admit that her argument bordered on disrespectful, not one of her more professional moments. A jolt of awareness had silenced her when Spock said her name, so softly it barely registered. "Nyota." There was something utterly compelling with the way her first name rolled off his tongue. Inadvertently, she had stepped closer to him.

Afternoon sunlight spilled into the small office, falling around Spock, reminding her of just how imposing a man he really was. Yet, Uhura had stood transfixed and angry. She was a bit hazy as to which one of them made the first move and frankly, it was unimportant. And who could blame her? She was quite certain there weren't too many Humans who could claim to have had their anger stolen by the kiss of Vulcan.

As she watched the trio disappear further into the garden, Uhura well remembered the branding passion of Spock's lips on hers. That day she learnt that a kiss could be more than just a kiss. A simple kiss would not have left her trembling with awe. It certainly would not have left her feeling thoroughly owned.

The second time they had explored the world of kissing, Uhura found herself perched atop Spock's desk, her uniform skirt hiked up. He stood between her opened thighs, and her fingers had tangled at the nape of his neck. Burning passion might have dominated their first time, but on this occasion, it was all about sweet exploration, lips moving against lips, lips moving along warm skin, drugging her worse than any narcotic. Arching into his solid frame, her head tipped back and Spock had made use of long line of her neck.

Last week all doubt as to whether she loved Spock left Uhura. After a shared meal, they had moved into his surprisingly eclectic living room. Sitting next to each other, their conversation had covered topics ranging from art to interstellar diplomacy.

"Before you leave for home, I want to teach you something very important," Spock had said, his voice reminiscent of many lectures.

"Sure."

He took her right hand into his and then brought them to his lips. Curious and slightly bemused, she watched him place lingering kisses across her fingers. Holding them, he said, "What I am going to demonstrate is as intimate to a Vulcan as a kiss is to a Human."

Her heart rate kicked into overdrive. If her suspicion was correct, Spock was about to share that unusual Vulcan caress she had previously witnessed. "So, this is a Vulcan kiss?"

A teasing gleam entered his eyes. "I suppose it is although we do enjoy the more conventional forms of kissing."

"Don't I know it!" A bit of heat crept up her neck and onto her face at the enthusiasm evident in her response.

"Was that a compliment, Nyota?"

"Yes it was, but don't let it go to your head."

"I am afraid I do not understand how my head has become involved in this conversation."

Eyeing the pleased look on his face and the clear amusement in his gaze, Uhura was quite sure Spock understood the full meaning of her statement. "Right..."

Instead of responding, Spock set about positioning her fingers until only the index and middle fingers were extended. He mirrored the position and then pressed the underside of his two fingers to hers. "This is how couples express affection in public," Spock stated, lightly dragging his fingers back and forth.

The contact was pleasant and a little strange; however, Uhura did not find it particularly special.

"And now a demonstration of how it is done in private."

Fascinated, she watched him stroke along the same path as before, but this time he continued, moving to the topside of her fingers. He encouraged her to do the same to him, and somehow the simple act of reciprocating made their contact shockingly erotic. Under the pads of her fingers, she felt the smoothness of skin, the slight roughness of his palm and the sprinkling of hair at his wrist. While touch was their primary focus, all of her senses expanded and zeroed in on Spock. She heard the increased rhythm of his breath, saw the dilation of his pupils and smelt his unique scent under the soap he'd used.

Desire had uncoiled and blossomed in her belly, and Uhura realised why this was done in private. For something, which had started out so simple, it had become rife with lust for both of them. Breathing hard, she shifted in her seat in an attempt to ease the desperate longing to take their intimacy further. When Spock's fingers had moved to the buttons at the front of her dress, she had pressed her eager lips to his, marvelling at the heightened connection she felt toward him.

The memory of Spock applying his kissing skills on the rest of her body made Uhura shiver.

A wash of excited heat had her fidgeting in the hammock. There were many things she hoped to experience with him. Of course, she had much more to learn about him and perhaps to teach him. A measure of eager anticipation had entered into her waking and dreaming world. She was counting the days and hours until she would once again see Spock.

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Any feedback will be most appreciated, especially since I am on the fence as to whether this goes AU in two or three parts.


	3. To Charm the Heart

**Disclaimer: Startrek and all associated characters are not mine.**

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**III: To Charm the Heart - In which Spock makes an interesting discovery**

**2258**

Twilight reigned outdoors, casting the interior of Spock's quarters into deep shadows. He lay on his back, eyes closed but far from sleep. Next to him was Nyota. Her lithe nude body pressed against his side and her face rested on his chest. She had flung a possessive arm across his body just before falling asleep. A light tickle of sensation whispered against his skin each time she exhaled.

He let his fingers drift along her arm, the smooth skin pebbling under his light touch. His lips turned up just a bit as he marvelled at how sensitive she was to him even in sleep. The realisation that he had this much influence over her was awe-inspiring and a little frightening. Nyota made a small sound at the back of her throat and Spock opened his eyes. He gazed at her beautiful face, relaxed and innocent in slumber. As he took in the lushness of her lips and the symmetrical lines of her features, another face came unbidden into his mind. T'Pring.

After his initial semi-illicit kiss with Nyota, Spock had contacted T'Pring. Although he had taken lovers before, none had compelled him to seek out his betrothed. In fact, he had not thought much of her since leaving Vulcan for Starfleet. The only time she had featured prominently in his thoughts was during his _Pon farr,_ a little over five years ago. Because it was his first experience, he had been able to resist going to her. Instead, he survived the blood-fever with the aid of meditation. Even then, he had kept his emotions from T'Pring. He sometimes wondered how she had managed her own experience. Since each successive episode was harsher until it tapered off during the final years of life, Spock doubted his ability to survive the next time without sexual joining.

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With a touch of suppressed apprehension, Spock had switched on his monitor at the sound of her incoming call. Immediately, he was struck by how striking a woman she had become. As a child, she had been pretty and later a snobbish aloof teen. Across space, her large razor sharp eyes assessed him with unflinching intensity. Forgoing formality and using his blandest voice, he said, "Greetings, T'Pring."

"Greetings, Spock." She paused, gave him another once over and then continued, "I must admit to some degree of curiosity upon receiving your message."

He knew it was best to proceed with his reason for contacting her, but Spock decided to give into a bit of irrationality, if only to annoy her. "Must there be a reason other than wanting to speak to my intended?"

T'Pring raised an eyebrow and her eyes narrowed just a fraction. She possessed one of the most logical minds he had encountered in another Vulcan of his age. However, her emotions ran close to the surface, and given the right prodding, they displayed themselves in unacceptable frequency. Perhaps it was for this very reason that her parents had accepted him as a future mate for her.

"You are endeavouring to be humorous?"

What a sad state of affairs their relationship had become, long since degenerating from tolerable to indifference. Twelve years had lapsed since they last spoke. While he avoided her as much as she did him, he was aware of her accomplishments as a doctor and researcher. He decided to get to the point. "I wish to discuss our betrothal."

Spock had to give her credit. T'Pring's only reaction was to stare at him, as if he had just made a polite comment about the weather. When she spoke, her tone was even. "You are ready to solidify our bond?"

"No."

T'Pring's shoulders visibly relaxed. "What do you have in mind?"

During that call, they decided on the details of how to end their bond. Their families would frown upon their actions, yes, but it was for the best. At the end of the semester, after Nyota had left to visit her family, Spock took a commercial transport to Vulcan. He returned to Earth six days later, ready to pursue the new possibilities life had to offer.

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"That's it baby, right there," Nyota said, rolling away from Spock and on to her back.

Spock blinked slowly and looked at her, T'Pring a distant memory. Nyota was still asleep and obviously dreaming. Her back arched and she sighed in pleasure. Propping on his side, he watched the rapid increase in her breathing. This was fascinating, like so many other things about her.

"Oh, Spock," she moaned.

That seductive sound combined with his name reawakened Spock's desire in rush of eager heat. Was it normal to be this easily aroused? Usually, he satisfied his needs then left. With Nyota, he wanted to cuddle after the fact, and then repeat the entire process.

Nyota had called to say she was back on campus, three days ahead of schedule. A pleasant surprise he welcomed, considering how much he had missed her. They had met at a small restaurant a few miles from the Academy. The brunch, an official first date, as she termed it. Dressed in a simple wool dress, she had been utterly captivating. He was proud to be seated across from her. While they ate, there had been a sense of excitement in the air. It was infectious, wrapping them both in heady anticipation. When they entered his quarters and the door slid closed, Spock had taken Nyota into his arms, knowing they were about to embark on another first.

"Please," she pleaded, arching upward once more.

Apparently his dream self was doing a wonderful job at pleasuring her, but maybe he could provide some assistance. Spock leaned over and took one taunt brown nipple into his mouth. He felt the flesh hardened even more as he suckled.

"So good," she whispered.

Spock bit lightly and heard Nyota gasp. Reluctantly releasing the bud, he looked up at her face. A languid smile graced her parted lips. He was beginning to appreciate the way she dreamt of him. Could she achieve completion within the dream? Some people could not while it was effortless for others. Watching her hips lift and her legs widen, he assumed Nyota was in the latter group.

Spock returned to her breasts, intent on teasing them. He liked their smallness, a perfect size for fitting completely into his hands. He caressed one while licking the rigid tip of other with long slow swipes. Nyota's entire body trembled, and her fingers found their way into his hair. She was close. His hand left her breast and travelled to hot wet juncture between her legs. The first touch of his fingers at her clitoris caused her shout his name. He doubled his efforts, and she began to writhe beneath his every caress. Then her hips rose from the bed, and she grew taut, every muscle straining. Spock lifted his head once more while continuing his rapid stroking. Before his rapt gaze, a shuddering wave racked her body and she was coming apart.

She was stunning.

Amazingly, she was still asleep.

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I have decided that this will definitely be an AU story.

Feedback is much appreciated.


	4. Transitioning Hearts

**Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated characters are not mine.**

A/N: Belated happy 2011 to all my readers! No beta review, please excuse any mistakes.

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**IV: Transitioning Hearts – In which loss is confronted**

**2258**

The vessel was state of the art, the best in Starfleet engineering. She was designed to protect the Federation from dangerous enemies even as she explored the edges of the alpha and beta quadrants. However, at this moment, the U. S.S. Enterprise limped home on impulse power. Her body scarred, her rooms overcrowded with the angry, the dazed and the grieving.

Four days ago, Sarek had been a man content with most of his life. His chosen profession was not without aggravation, but the rewards it brought Vulcan and the Federation made it worthwhile. Of course, there was also Amanda, his lovely wife of forty-two years. She gave up much to be with him, never once complaining about life on his harsh world. He had been honest with Spock when he confessed his love for Amanda, the words hidden behind a wall of light detachment. Words he never told his beloved wife. Over the years, he had shown her how much she meant to him with his every touch and lingering gaze. A part of him always knew it was never quite enough for her Human heart. Illogically, he wished to go back in time and whisper those three simple words against her ear.

From his seat in the darkened observation desk, Sarek could see the cold glittering lights of space, as they elongated and stretched in an illusion created by the ship's impulse speed. Nero, the Romulan was dead, the Federation was safe. Still, Vulcan, Amanda and most of his people were gone. In that violent moment when it all imploded, the part of his soul belonging to his wife had died. In its place was a newfound anger at the universe. The only thing keeping it in check was fact that his son survived this ordeal. He would not be alone. Repairing his damaged relationship with Spock was now a priority.

Light footsteps interrupted his dark musings. Sarek shifted in his chair and watched the Enterprise acting chief communications officer walked to the large window in front of him. For silent minutes, he watched her stand ramrod straight, gazing out into the eternal night before them. For the first time since coming aboard, he let his thoughts dwell solely on her. He remembered the first meaningful glance he witnessed between her and Spock, and the rumour of their display of affection in the transporter room. He decided that he wished to speak to her.

"Lieutenant Uhura."

Her shoulders stiffened for a moment and then she turned around to face him. "Ambassador," she said, smoothing a hand down the front of her wrinkled uniform. "I thought I was alone."

"Pardon the intrusion. Would you mind sharing my company?"

"The honour is mine, sir," she replied with a small smile.

Sarek rose from his chair, a fine tremble wracking his body as he went to join her before the window. Days without sleep and meditation, combined with stress had begun to take its toll on him.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" The lieutenant gestured to the view outside the ship.

He looked at her face and saw unshed tears in her eyes. "Beauty can be found in even the most desolate of places."

"I've always loved the stars. As a child, I swore I would make my life among them. I just never thought my career would begin this way."

"My observations of you indicate you are coping as well as can be expected."

"You've been watching me?"

Her voice took on a quality that made him think he had unnerved her somewhat. "I find myself interested in all of the bridge crew, but you in particular have held my attention."

She turned to face him, her large eyes focussed on his. "And why is that, Ambassador?"

Sarek decided to play along, if only to take his mind away from the hungry gaping hole that threatened his equilibrium. "I am aware that there is something profoundly deeper than a casual relationship between you and my son."

Lieutenant Uhura returned her gaze to the stars. Her hands once more smoothed the front of her uniform and Sarek realised it was a nervous gesture.

"Are we that obvious?"

"Not at all, Lieutenant, Vulcans are very perceptive of emotions in others."

She frowned. "I always believed the opposite to be true."

"We spend our entire lives suppressing our emotions or we purge them completely and in so doing, we are attuned to them on an almost instinctual level. That and I know my son very well."

"I wonder; can a Human succeed in removing all feelings?"

An odd question Sarek reflected. The young woman had an interesting way of moving a conversation forward. "While we have had a number of Humans who became students of Vulcan philosophy, I have never heard of any achieving _kolinahr_, much less maintaining it."

"A pity," she whispered.

Arching a brow, he wondered at the many emotions she was currently broadcasting. They washed over his frayed defences in an unsteady wave. It was as if until her last comment, she had been hidden behind an opaque wall. He debated ending their conversation and leaving. Instead, he pushed aside his discomfort and remained at her side.

"Some Vulcans would agree with you. I am not one of them."

"I have been numb ever since the Narada was destroyed. And you know what Ambassador?" she asked, folding her arms tightly. "I welcomed it. Being frozen meant I wouldn't have to deal with the emotional aftermath of what happened."

Now he knew why she stood here with her unshed tears. "But..." he prompted nevertheless.

"But the numbness has begun to fade. I find myself drowning in my grief and anger. Without emotions this would not be a problem."

Sarek suspected that in this dark quiet place, the lieutenant had just revealed something intensely personal. He felt like a voyeur, glimpsing into a part of her not many saw. Remarkably, he also felt privileged that she opened up to him, especially under the extraordinary circumstances fate dealt them.

"When Vulcan ceased to be, every Vulcan within the vicinity experienced the horror of those who died, a psionic backlash from so many telepaths dying at one instant. That incident will haunt us all for the rest of our lives, even those of us without emotions. Therefore, we are all going to face an emotional consequence, some more so than others."

She sighed and a few minutes passed before she spoke, "I suppose I'll just have to deal with it."

_...just have to deal with it. _Humans had such an interesting play with words. As he thought about what she said, Sarek understood that he too needed _to deal with it_. It was this avoidance that hampered his every attempt to meditate.

"And you Ambassador, how are you fee... coping?"

Her question startled him. Doctor McCoy was the only person who had asked after his disposition, and he was doing his duty as a physician. Not even Spock had asked; although they had spent time together remembering what was loss. "It has been difficult."

"Unfortunately sir, I have no words of wisdom to offer, but I am confident that you'll be fine."

"Such conviction in belief for someone you have just met, why?"

"I base my words on knowing Spock. The man he is must have been partially shaped by you and your wife."

He nodded grateful for her comment. He could see why Spock cared for this young woman whose steely resolve reminded him of Amanda. She claimed to have no words of wisdom and yet, Sarek had to admit something new stirred within him. "Before I leave you, Lieutenant, I have one request to make."

"Yes?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.

"I believe my son can benefit from your companionship in these trying days. Allow him to release his pain through you, and do not hesitate to seek his comfort in return."

After an intense stillness in which he thought she might indeed shed those tears, Lieutenant Uhura smiled. Her first genuine smile since she entered the room. "Thank you," she said and he could see that she recognized the significance hidden within his suggestion.

SUSUSU

Later that night as Sarek sat before a burning candle, he allowed the anguish and anger of these past days to uncurl within the layers of his mind. While he sank into their midst, he felt truly ready to begin processing them, and in so doing, he had taken the first step toward healing.

At the opposite end of the same deck, within the first officer's quarters, Nyota Uhura leaned her head against Spock's shoulders and allowed herself to let go. When she had shown up at his door, he must have sensed her need because he had immediately offered her his embrace. He remained silent never once commenting on the late hour or her tears. Their future was uncertain but for now, they had each other.

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My first attempt at writing Sarek, I hope I did justice to his voice. This started out with both his and Uhura's POV, but he demanded to be heard all the way through.


	5. Hearts in Pieces

**Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated characters are not mine.**

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**V: Hearts in Pieces – In which sacrifices are made and promises broken. **

**2258**

_Late summer, four months after the destruction of Vulcan, Enterprise is still under repairs._

Silence hung heavy around them, chasing the last echoes of his damning words. He wished he could take them back, but that would defeat his purpose. He looked at her and felt something jagged twist in his gut. In all the time Spock had known Nyota Uhura, she had never been this expressionless. She was warm and vibrant, never cold, at least not towards him.

In the humid summer heat of his bedroom, she sat across from him, naked except for his sheets tucked under her arms. A faint sheen of sweat lingered over her deceptively delicate frame. A dark bruise was already forming at her shoulder where he had bitten her, and he knew there would be imprints of his fingers on her hips and thighs. Still as a statue, she seemed carved of stone. He wanted desperately to touch her, to reassure himself that she was real.

Slowly, monstrously slow, she turned her head to face him. "Did you think you could fuck me into easily accepting your decision?"

The icy venom in her words coupled with her stillness unnerved him. "Sexual congress was not my intent tonight."

Nyota's right hand flashed forward, and her palm connected to his cheek, snapping his head back. He supposed; he deserved that, after what transpired earlier. He had specifically asked her to visit his quarters with the objective of breaking his awful news to her, nothing more. Yet, as she stepped through the door, dressed in blood-green silk, her face radiant, he had felt powerless. His logic shut down, while something deeper and older took over. It demanded he meld with her, touch her, mark her, make her cry out his name.

Spock had taken her against his living room wall. He was in her before she could fully gasp his name. In his bedroom, he had been gentler, revelling in her sounds of pleasure. After the third time, he let up, pushing that desperate unnamed emotion back where it belonged. Even if he wanted to continue, she did not. She was tired and needed a break. Seven point thirteen minutes later, he told her his news.

Nyota stared at the hand she used to hit him and spoke, "I had made my peace, Spock. I accepted that you would join your people in the rebuilding effort, and that I could not go with you. I accepted the end of our relationship, secretly hoping we would once again find each other. Then you told me, we would serve together as couple. You made me open my heart to the possibility. And now you tell me this?"

"I regret that circumstance has forced me to reconsider my choices."

She twisted her body to better face him. The sheets fell to her narrow waist, exposing his hungry gaze to her nakedness. She did not miss his reaction. A hard, sharp smile curled her lips. "You're going to her and yet it is me you want. Why Spock? She is no longer your betrothed."

"The bond can be reinstated. It is something T'Pring and I agreed to do."

"Oh. You both agreed. Where was I during all these important decisions?"

"There is a shortage of males among the survivors. Even after contacting our colony worlds, the imbalance continues. Some have even suggested multiple females per male or the encouragement of interspecies bonding. Neither is favourable to the High Command."

"I want you to feel something," she said, taking his right hand into hers. She splayed his fingers and pressed his palm above her left breast. "Feel that Spock? That is my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. This is what you've caused."

Her heartbeat under his fingers felt like a frantic captive bird. It was as if her physical heart would indeed crack and shatter. Spock dropped his mental shields and felt her every pain. It pierced him, penetrated and mingled with his own hurt. He shook with the effort to maintain his calm. He glanced into her eyes and read her feelings of betrayal. "I am so sorry, Nyota" he whispered.

Slowly, beneath all the pain she radiated, he sensed a building anger. Black and terrible, it fought for dominance, and then battered at his psyche. He had not known she was capable of such rage. In a ragged voice, he implored, "Forgive me."

"You've made your choice, Spock." She dashed his hand from her body. "It is time you live with it."

With utmost efficiency, she climbed out of his bed, pulled on her dress and left him alone. He gathered the bedding around his body, cocooning himself in her floral spiked scent. For the first time since childhood, he willingly welcomed the emotion of sorrow.

The next day, he submitted his resignation paperwork and packed his bags. By the time he boarded the ship that would take him to his new home, Spock had buried his Human side. He was as Vulcan as he would ever be.

***SUSU***

She sat in the far corner of the crowded bar nursing a glass of beer. James Kirk, Jim to most people, spotted her among the looming shadows. Anger and pain etched across her lovely features. She had been mostly pleasant to him since the return to Earth four months ago. A development he happily accepted. In all that time, she had seemed fine.

"Uhura?" he called, as he neared her table.

She raised her eyes to his, and he saw that they were swollen and red. He frowned and sat across from her. The woman never cracked, so it was a bit of a shock to see her this way.

"Go away, Kirk," she responded.

She took a sip of her beer and looked beyond him to the dancing crowd. Kirk did not tolerate easy dismissal. "No."

"What is it with you men?" Exasperation clear in her voice, she continued, "You're always demanding, taking, and not caring who gets hurt."

Understanding dawned. He should have guessed. "What has the pointy-eared bastard done?"

"Pointy-eared bastard, I like it." She laughed mirthlessly and took a gulp of her beer this time.

"It really does describe him."

He adjusted the chair across from her and slid onto it. A waiter came to their table and he ordered a beer for himself. Uhura ordered herself another. They sat quietly, watching the other bar patrons until the waiter brought their order.

Toying with his glass, he enquired, "Do you...auh...that is, do you want to talk about it?" Smooth going there, Jim. He could kick himself.

"Not really."

"You know, Uhura, we're not all bad."

"Right," she retorted and laughed again, in what was quickly becoming an ugly sound. "Aren't you the guy who worked his way through much of the Academy's female cadets?"

Kirk stared down into his beer. She did have a point, although it was somewhat exaggerated. "I never lied about my intensions. My partners knew what to expect."

"James, I think you have a problem. What exactly are hoping to gain from your conquests?"

Unconsciously mimicking Spock's raised eyebrow manoeuvre, he leaned back in his chair and gave her his undivided attention. She was good. He almost missed her swinging the conversation away from herself. "Nice try, Uhura. I know I have a laundry list of issues, but we're not discussing them. We're discussing you and why you're sitting in a dark corner drinking alone."

"We're not having a discussion, James." She slammed her glass on to the table for emphasis. "I asked you to leave."

Kirk watched her and wondered what the Vulcan could have done to get her into this mood. He did not know Commander Spock, hell until recently he hadn't much like what he had seen. However, he had melded with the other Spock, the one who travelled back in time and helped to alter his destiny. He gleaned enough to know Spock would do what duty dictated. "He left you, didn't he?"

Uhura's fingers tightened around her glass and her eyes glittered in anger. "Shut up, James."

Kirk shut up. He was close to having beer in his face. Besides, her response gave him his answer. The Vulcan had ended the relationship. Drinking in Uhura's features, he shook his head in amazement. It must have taken an act of will from Spock to accomplish such a feat. Onboard the Narada, he had witnessed the depths of the Commander's feelings for her.

Some hours and many more drinks later, Kirk practically propped Uhura up as she keyed open the door of the temporary quarters assigned to her after graduation last month. Once inside, he helped her to the ugly lime-green sofa, located centre left of the studio dwelling.

Pulling out of his grasp and turning around to him, Uhura sighed. "Why are you being so kind, pretty boy?"

_Pretty boy_? "I like you, and you're my friend."

"Really?"

He was stretching the truth. Trust Uhura to point it out even while intoxicated. "Okay, we're sorta friends."

She fidgeted a bit then looked him in the eye. "Is that all?" Her fingers landed on his left knee and began a slow deliberated caress that did things to him that no simple caress should. He inhaled deeply to dispel the sensual image forming in his mind.

"You are drunk and hurting, Uhura," Kirk replied, and was happy at how normal his voice sounded.

She snatched her hand away and scooted to the very end of the sofa. The hurt look in her suddenly sober brown eyes tore at him. "I guess you don't want me either."

Kirk laughed in disbelief. How could she think that he did not want her? He spent three years suppressing his want of her. He buried it deeply, and after discovering what she shared with the Vulcan, he was more than willing to purge it. He reached for her and grabbed the hand that she had rested on his knee and placed it at the juncture of his thighs. "You feel that Uhura?" he demanded, voice thick with emotion. "That's how much I want you. But not like this, if anything ever happens between us, I want you sober and alert to everything we do."

She pulled away from him, stood on shaky legs and went to stand at the window. He followed her and together they looked at the San Francisco landscape twinkling in the distance.

"You're a brilliant and desirable woman. Any man should be lucky to have you."

She turned towards him with the large eyes he had noticed the first night they met in that crowed Iowa bar. "Damn right, buddy."

He gave her a lopsided grin and wondered at the distance he had travelled in the three years since they met. The old him would have taken what she offered, whatever the consequences. He would never admit it to her, but she was partially responsible for the change in him. It was something he would never forget.

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**A/N**: This is actually the first one-shot that was written, and it was going to be posted as the second in the series. However, I wasn't sure I wanted to go AU, so I wrote another piece instead. Your comments are much appreciated.


	6. Paper Hearts

**Star Trek and all associated characters are not mine.**

**A/N: **A warm thank you to all my _patient_ readers.

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**VI: Paper Hearts – In which Spock and Uhura move forward.**

**Late 2258**

The violet tinted light from the setting sun blanketed the area. Only three months into her first five-year mission, Nyota Uhura still found herself awed by such exotic sights. However, at this moment she felt doubly annoyed. You see, Hikaru Sulu was living his ultimate fantasy and she had a front row seat to the spectacle. As much as she was happy for him, it still gnawed at the slow healing wound inflicted by her recent breakup. She was so used to immediately bouncing back that, she almost did not know what to do with the festering emotions bubbling deep within.

Four days ago, Enterprise had responded to the distress call of a crippled ship, belonging to the Izol, a little known humanoid race. While they'd provided aid, Captain Kirk discovered that one of the passengers, Maltem, was the heir to his planet's throne. Feeling thoroughly indebted for the assistance, Maltem invited the Enterprise crew to visit his homeworld.

During the short trip to the planet, Sulu had struck up a friendship with Galinta, a security officer from the other ship. Grey hued like the rest of her people, she sported a shock of fire-red hair and a quick smile. Apparently, they both shared a love of sparring, sharp instruments and botany. In fact, Sulu had gone into detail about her 'lovely' green thumb while he and Uhura shared a lunch. What he, Uhura and the rest of the Enterprise crew did not know at the time was that the Izol were plants. Sentient and civilised but still plants. Only after arriving on the planet did the Izol reveal this piece of information.

It was at this time that Sulu's crush had turned into a fetish, and now as they all enjoyed a local planting festival, Uhura was witness to his and Galinta constant make-out sessions. He was currently feeding her bits of pastry. It was almost disgusting.

"May I have this seat?"

A deep sultry voice sliced into her disgruntled thoughts. Uhura leaned back in her wicker lounger and shifted her focus from Sulu to a pair of gorgeous grey legs. She removed her sunglasses and let her eyes shamelessly trail upwards. The rest of the body was just as impressive. "Go right ahead," she said with a warm smile.

Technically the seat belonged to the Jim; however, he had made successful _contact_ with one of the local females and promptly abandoned her. No one had since come near her. They all probably sensed her deteriorating mood, which was fine; she was content to listen to the wonderful music that had started after the priestess ended her prayer.

Uhura's new seating partner folded his tall body into the chair next to hers. "You are with the Federation ship?" he asked.

"Yes, I am."

"Pardon my manners," he said with a wide smile that flashed perfect teeth. "It's just that we don't have many off-world visitors. My name is Lorcan."

"Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Lorcan."

"May I make an observation, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura?"

"I suppose and please, Uhura is fine."

"I like Uhura." The smile appeared once more, and then lessened. "Why are you so sullen?"

Uhura pursed her lips and considered Lorcan. There was no malice on his rugged face just genuine curiosity. "It's very complicated."

"I see. Can I make a suggestion?"

Uhura wanted to roll her eyes. Was he serious? "If it involves tips on how to change my disposition, please keep them."

He said a pleasant, "As you wish," and left her alone.

As the late afternoon sun dipped below the horizon, Uhura and Lorcan took separate trips to the buffet area. She made sure to eat only the stuff that McCoy had told her was safe.

When the first stars appeared in the half-lighted sky, two singers took the stage, one male the other female. Swatted in bright colours, their faces seemed almost iridescent under the warm spotlight that shone on them.

The background music stopped and the lusty crowd quieted. A sense of anticipation entered the air and Uhura felt herself responding to it. Lorcan who had kept a polite distance leaned over to her and whispered, "Besides the potential for sex, this is my favourite part of the celebration."

The female singer gazed at her companion and began to sing. Her voice was light and lyrical. It caused Uhura to conjure images of all things whimsical. Too bad the universal translator kept garbling the lyrics. She looked at Lorcan. "I don't understand the words."

"This is an epic from our ancient days. I am willing to translate."

"Would you?"

He pulled his chair against hers and leaned in even closer. "This is the story of the creation goddess, Elta and her consort, Lujan, the god of destruction. At this stage of the tale, Elta is a young innocent girl who has just laid eyes on Lujan."

The singer's voice soared to great heights and Uhura closed her eyes.

"She's feeling the first quickening of her heart and is coming to know herself as a woman."

As the song faded, a single drum was struck and Uhura's eyes opened. The male singer had taken centre stage. Gazing out into the crowd his voice poured forth. The high notes floating on the light breeze that moved through the grounds. When his voice sank to lower octaves, Uhura swore she could feel them pooling at her feet. It was a song, which spoke of youthful brashness and underlining wantonness.

"Lujan has just been made aware of Elta's interest in him. He is happy for he too has much love in his heart for her. However, he believes himself unworthy of her. He is adamant that he must achieve a great battle victory before he can consider her affections."

The story unfolded in a seductive mix of beautiful songs and soft words spoken against her ear. Soon Uhura found herself sinking into its embrace, as her mind pictured scenes of battles, conquests, courtship and consummation of love. Eventually the singing voices deepened and became choppy as the characters matured and inflicted pain upon each other.

"Lujan has destroyed a field of crops and now Elta must restore the scarred land. But she does not stop at healing the land, now she pushes life into over production.

"Their Izol subjects and the world now suffers because they no longer concern themselves with that which is most important—the land and its inhabitants."

Spellbound and close to tears, Uhura listened as a once beautiful love became twisted and macabre. And as Lorcan cool lips brushed the shell of her ear, she thought of her own life and that which was taken from her. Why was it so hard for her when at one point she had prepared herself for a possible loss?

She sighed and relaxed into her Lorcan arms. It felt good. It had been months since she last allowed herself to be this close to a man, and this one was very accommodating. "Will they ever find peace?" She asked, not in the least embarrassed by the fine tremble in her voice.

"In time."

Sure enough, after Elta and Lujan had almost destroyed their planet and people, they created a balance, learning how to temper their natures and love.

"It is only through the perfect harmony of destruction and creation can the Izol people continue to thrive."

Balance and harmony, the very things she was lacking. Yet, sitting on this alien world with a stranger pressed against her back, Uhura had an awakening of sorts. At that moment, she realised, she was allowing herself to become bitter and that could not continue.

The singers sang their final verses, and then left the stage amidst thunderous applause. As the background music resumed many individuals collected themselves into eager pairs or groups.

"Would you care to join me tonight, Uhura?"

She turned to face Lorcan and said, "I can't give you what you're looking for."

He accepted her answer and made another suggestion. "I came here with the hopes of one thing, but I would be happy to show you some of the night sites."

Throwing caution to the wind she replied, "A few." Lorcan gave her that wonderful smile and she could not suppress the laughter that welled up. It was surprising and very welcomed.

The next morning as she walked the halls of Enterprise, Uhura bumped into Sulu. They entered the turbolift, and he began to regale her, albeit slightly abbreviated, on his time with Galinta. She listened to him and for the first time in months, she felt free of the oppressive weight she had carried around on her shoulders.

It was a start.

**SUSU**

**Early 2259**

It was home; nevertheless, it did not feel that way. Vulcan had been home his entire life. Earth, even with its myriad contradictions had become his second home, the moment he entered his dorm at Star Fleet Academy.

Spock stood in an unadorned room within one of several temporary structures and stared out at the landscape that unfolded before him. Much of it was just as red and dry as Vulcan had been, and yet so many differences glared brightly at him. There were tall, sturdy trees with wide, thick branches that provided shade from the sun. The air was just a touch heavier, a partial consequence of the large forest that began in the small tropical region and stretched north toward ice-capped mountains. At night, a distant moon shone a weak light upon their settlement. Instead of one ocean, this planet had two. In an odd way, it fell somewhere in the middle between Earth and Vulcan. Ironic that he could not equate it with home.

In the months since his arrival, Spock had immersed himself with the countless duties assigned to him. He worked himself to exhaustion each day so that his thoughts would not stray to the woman he left behind or the one who waited.

Eventually his father had patiently reminded him of his promised obligation to T'Pring. Now time had run out and he would take the second step towards fulfilling his duty.

Spock heard his father's light footsteps and turned to face him. Today Sarek had dressed himself in finery befitting his role in Vulcan society. As Spock watched him walk forward and then stopped mere inches away, he found his eyes moving along the new lines that had etched their way onto his father's face.

The two men regarded each other and then Sarek spoke, "It is not too late, Spock."

"To what do you refer?"

"It is not too late to choose differently."

Could it be that simple? He thought of Nyota's face as she fled his quarters four point five months ago. He reflected on his career and the choices he had made. No, it was not that simple, for another man perhaps but not for him. He had set himself on this path and he owed it to himself and the others involved to see it through. "It would not be fair to T'Pring or Nyota."

Sarek nodded in acceptance of his final decision. "When I chose to bond you to another, I sometimes speculated on what this day would be like for you. A simple peaceful ceremony or something rushed in the heat of our time."

"Father..."

"I am your Vulcan parent. It was something I had to consider, more so than your mother ever could. Yet, I could never have imagined this place and circumstance for your wedding day. As a member of our clan, you have been deprived the privilege of our ceremonial grounds and for that I am sorry, my son."

Spock took in Sarek's words and wondered when his relationship with his father had started degenerating. He was certain that it began before he turned down his admission to the VSR. Was it during his early teens or later? He often meditated on these questions and their growing comfort with each other.

"A terrible loss, unfortunately no one could have foreseen Nero."

A light gust of wind entered the room and tugged lightly at his robes. As the scent of it teased his nostrils, Spock was again reminded of the otherness of this planet. Was he doomed forever to feel like an alien here? Most of the other young survivors were adapting quickly. Could this persistent disquiet have a connection to what he sacrificed? If that were the case then he hoped a little more time was all he required.

"The time draws near. Are you ready?"

Were he to give into to his suppressed Human side, Spock might have smiled and shed a tear all at once. His father was giving him another chance to be free of his choice, and he would reject it just the same.

"I am ready."

Sarek tucked his hands within the folds of his robes. "Well then, let us proceed to the appointed place."

Together they walked from the room into a hallway that lead to an open area designated to become a place of remembrance. And there waiting for him was T'Pring. A lovely vision in pale green, she stood, flanked by her aunt and a priest. As they gazed at each other, he cast aside the last of his doubts. This was his path, his choice and he would follow it to the end.

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**A/N**: Comments are much appreciated. They are the only payment I get for this stuff.


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